The First Friend-Zone

You read all those romance novels and watch all those sappy flicks, like John Hughes’ Some Kind of Wonderful?

In the movie, the guy falls for the popular girl, who contrary to the erstwhile stereotypes was not superficial but rather exhibited character depth that got us thinking and the guy attracted. However, this guy had a childhood friend- the tomboy who is always there for him and as a consequence, slips past the guy’s romance radar. But because it’s a John Hughes movie, and that man seems to be dead set on making people believe in and hope for a happily ever after; the guy realizes that it was actually his tomboy friend he, deep down, wanted as a girlfriend, given the depth of her understanding of his personality since long. He gifts the pearl earrings originally meant for the popular-but-deep girl to his previously friendzoned tomboy girlfriend and utters the legendary words- "You look good wearing my future".

I’m not one of the pessimists who completely negate the above scenario and pronounce it impractical for the sole reason that it hasn’t happened with their relationships, because I believe that these things might have happened with other people. Neither do I agree with people who condemn such movies. I mean, seriously, Hughes is just trying to be the Fairy of Hope in the otherwise Pandora’s Boxful of relationship troubles all of us have to face. That is the reason that despite never having been on the receiving end of such amazing happy endings, I still believe and hope for such in my future.

However, up until now, such a moment of realization has completely eluded all the guys that I’ve been friends with, few of whom I have had massive crushes on. Some of these guy friends of mine intercepted my feelings but never confronted me, choosing instead to toning down our conversations and phasing out the friendship. And this, more than anything else, has been the most painful.

 While it is completely understandable that a guy can only be a boyfriend for one girl at a time, and it is also fully acceptable that he wouldn’t have such inclinations toward me, why would he abruptly stop being friends with me just because I had a crush on him?

So far I’ve been a good friend to several guys amongst which, I have had a crush on . You see, I believe that before pursuing a potential partner (for the purpose of a relationship) the foundation should be sturdy friendship. This is completely at odds to the thing that happens to me, every time. When I become good friends with a guy, they automatically shelve me as ‘just a friend’ never pausing to reflect that maybe, just maybe I’m making myself a good friend to them so that we may have a potential romantic liaison in the future.

And it’s fine by me that they don’t realize any romantic scope in me, but I do believe that if nothing else, I’m a very good friend. I even acted as the connecting link between Susan and Harold, the guy I really liked. I once asked him, about a year into our friendship, if he had a crush on anyone. Up until that point he was oblivious to my romantic intentions toward him. He trusted me as a friend and told me about Susan.

Truth be told, while I was hurt that even after a year, he didn’t think I could be the one for him, I was, however, mostly flattered that he trusted me( even if as a friend) enough to tell me about his long harbored crush, something he hadn’t told anyone else before. Apparently, he had had a crush on her since the sixth grade. We were in the sophomore year of high school then.

So I decided to do my good deed for them and play matchmaker. I am extremely pleased to inform that I succeeded in doing that and they got into a relationship merely a month after I began tinkering around. What happened next was predictable for many, but totally unanticipated by me.

Susan started to get a bit insecure about the camaraderie I shared with her boyfriend and she somehow discovered and informed him of my aforementioned crush on him, and provided him with an ultimatum to choose.

We were in high school, he was a guy and Susan was definitely girlfriend material. It doesn’t need a genius to figure out the outcome. He went for Susan and aborted all contact with me.

It still hurts to think about, but at the end you have to realize that some guys will understand your worth later in life, when they face the real tribulations and tests on their path; but they would realize it years too late and hopefully some other man would feel lucky that he does have you, holding his hand in the journey of life.