Subtle Sexism - Are You Guilty of Subconscious Misogyny?

I have been fortunate enough to be brought up in an environment that was for all intents and purposes, a feminist haven. It is this upbringing that irks me every time I see complacency on the part of men and a resigned indifference amongst women when it comes to gender equality.

Gender discrimination is nothing new and definitely not under-discussed; what I wish to speak of today is not blatant sexism but sexism of the implicit kind; which most, including women I have known, either ignore, accept or are unaware of.

The implicit stereotypes or subtle sexism is different from blatant sexism or explicit stereotypes about women's abilities, as implicit associations are unconscious and automatic. In today’s world, women are progressing faster than ever before and are undertaking almost every daunting task that a man could fathom. Sounds like an achievement? It is. Good enough to be content? Unfortunately not.

In the educated society misogyny is extremely rare and immediately objectionable, regardless of gender. Implicit bias, however, is still prevalent and creating an uncomfortable gender rift for today’s empowered woman.

It starts with something as inane as a husband-wife joke, most of which are created on the premise that the woman or wife talks too much or should be a homemaker first and foremost. This invariably stems from the age-old belief that women are supposed to remain silent and subdued.  When that belief is challenged today, women end up being ridiculed in the form of crude jokes. Why? For venting about the brunt of dual responsibilities shouldered by them. Most people aren’t consciously aware of their discriminatory thought process, but that’s what psychologists have to say.

Here’s a direct quote from Thomas Ford, a psychologist at the Western Carolina University, "Sexist humor is not simply benign amusement. It can affect men's perceptions of their immediate social surroundings and allow them to feel comfortable with behavioral expressions of sexism without the fear of disapproval of their peers. Specifically, we propose that sexist humor acts as a 'releaser' of prejudice."

Next up is benevolent sexism, another type of sexism so subtly interweaved into modern society that we are unaware, and sometimes even appreciative of gestures that reinforce it on a regular basis. Ever been told that women are more compassionate or more patient than men? Or the number one presumption everyone makes: women are more nurturing?

The biggest drawback of benevolent sexism is that a woman is viewed primarily as a motherly figure. A statement that recurs constantly, every time gender bias comes up, “women are mothers. Respect them.” This is not pro-feminist. In fact, it just nails the idea into the minds of everyone that the worthiest, the most fulfilling role a woman plays is that of a mother. This is a cause of great unease for women who do not take on the role of a mother, either by choice or by circumstance. Even today, women who are not married or are childless are either pitied or treated with disdain.

Speaking on a more direct and noticeable level, other marks of subtle sexism include,

• Enforcing dress codes for what a woman can, or cannot, wear; especially when the code differentiates between men and women.

• Being mocked for being emotional; Crying makes women look weak but men are just being sensitive; being assertive makes women domineering but makes men driven.

• Reinforcing gender stereotypes through casual presumptions; such as women make poor drivers, women are fickle and jealous; women have a higher expenditure.

• Assuming that women need to be escorted to ensure safety when statistics tell another story. Men are at a higher risk to be exposed to violent crimes including murder than women.

These subtle actions and signs visible in society are not something immediately perceivable; I myself have only been able to realize these subtleties because I was lucky enough to be taught to look out for and immediately weed out the subtlest traces of such casual sexism.

A good rule of thumb to avoid awkwardness when dealing with women is this, whatever it is that you are going to ask or say to her, would you have said or asked the same to a man, if the situation were different? If yes, then go ahead. If no, then don’t voice your thought and reconsider and challenge your prejudiced notions and long-held beliefs.

And last, but the most important part, no matter how many times, in whatever context, or whosoever it is said by; never use the excuse “but God has created sexual disparities “ because that’s what it is – an unoriginal, hapless and irrelevant excuse. Reproductive disparities are no excuse for a derogatory social attitude towards members of any sexual identity.

. What incidences of subtle misogyny have you experienced/observed? Do tell us in comments.